once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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