apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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