In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
