Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
