Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
