Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
