hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
