I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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