I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
