You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
