my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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