So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
her vagine was all disorganized.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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