Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize