I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
