Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
