just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
