if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
