I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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