Sry I called you an 8
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
