I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
