kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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