Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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