Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
