K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
