There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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