she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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