I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize