It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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