I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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