We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I pour the whiskey from now on
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
