You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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