After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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