U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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