it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
