Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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