This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
