she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
