they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
