if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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