so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
