Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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