Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just puked most of my soul out..
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