Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
