Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
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you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
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If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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