I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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