Everything about him screamed your future.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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