I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
