I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
