At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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