After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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