Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
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From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
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Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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