I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
