If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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