just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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