Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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