I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
