WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
