i think my mom watched the whole time
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Dignity is for republicans.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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