No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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