Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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