the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.