So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
