Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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