it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
