can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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