Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
