I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
