Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
