I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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