I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Blood and glitter go together right?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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