I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
