This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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