I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
