i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
where are you?
Hypothermia
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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