Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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